Of Love and Lingerie
by DarkangelChiha
Summary: Now bitter ex-lovers, Shikamaru and Ino have challenged each other to a dangerous wager involving a bra, a pantyhose and a much needed date to the festival. Will Konoha's infamous woman-hater manage to get himself a date before time runs out? ShikaIno.


**DarkAngel**: Hey, guys! DarkAngel here.

**Ruki**: And Ruki. This is our co-written fan fic…

**DarkAngel & Ruki**: 'Of Love and Lingerie'!

**Ruki**: Well, we ridiculously sound like peppy TV talk show hosts.

**DarkAngel**: Do you guys believe that this story almost got titled, 'The Great Bra and Pantyhose Challenge'? XD

**Ruki**: -hides face, embarrassed- … Hey, don't look at me. _He's_ the one who thought of it…

**DarkAngel**: … What? I still think it's a good title.

**Ruki**: -Groans- You perv.

**Kankuro**: So, why am I here again?

**DarkAngel**: Good question. Uh, maybe you should reconsider bringing Kankuro here, Ruki. I mean, isn't it enough that he's there with you in _your _fics?

**Ruki**: -glare-

**Kankuro**: **Thank **you.

**Ruki**: I'll get Ino to come over too if you just let me keep Kankuro.

**Kankuro**: -jaw drop- What?!

**DarkAngel**: Deal!

**Kankuro**: Aagh. –whams head on wall-

**DarkAngel & Ruki**: Enjoy the story!

DISCLAIMER: We don't own Naruto... nor Brad Pitt, for that matter.

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**Chapter 1: The Wager**

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"Can _not_."

"Can _too_."

"CAN NOT!"

"CAN TOO!"

Ino stuck her tongue out petulantly and made a face. Her ex-boyfriend, Nara Shikamaru, sighed and rolled his eyes, trying to ignore her childish behavior. Like always, they were having another post-relationship argument.

"My, _that _was mature."

"Oh, come off it, Shikamaru." The blonde snapped, "You're just jealous. You couldn't get a decent girl to go with you to the New Year's Festival even if your life depended on it."

Too bored to think of a clever comeback, he simply muttered, "Sez you."

"Where's your new girlfriend, then?" She asked with a sarcastic smirk.

"I don't have one because I don't _want_ one." The spiky-haired chuunin retorted, "Women are troublesome. _You,_ of all people, should know that."

The girl glared daggers at her ex. "What exactly does that mean?"

"Oh, wow... Where do I start?" Shikamaru said, stifling a yawn, "Women are whiny, emotional and illogical. They say 'no' when they mean 'yes' and cry for no apparent reason. You buy them nice clothes but they'll only wear it once. They love playing stupid mind games with men and enjoy nagging them to death. Shall I go on?"

"Women are NOT troublesome, you male chauvinist fuck!" She screeched. Ino realized that she was losing her cool, and took a moment to gather herself. "Fine. Be that way. You probably don't have the _balls_ to invite anyone, anyway."

The young man watched idly from his seat as the blonde turned to leave.

"So," Ino added, watching him from the corner of her eye, "I guess I won't be seeing you at the celebration, seeing as how you'll be busy fucking yourself at home, alone on the most romantic time of the year."

Shikamaru sighed deeply. Troublesome as it was, he stood up. He just couldn't take that insult about his balls sitting down. A man needs to be respected, after all.

"Now wait just a doggone minute…"

Ino stopped in her tracks, silently pleased. She knew him well enough to know that this was coming.

"I'll have you know that I can invite any girl on a date," He stated firmly. "That is, if I _wanted_ to."

The blonde mind walker turned around.

"Okay then, it seems that a little wager is in order." She said gleefully, "I say that you CANNOT have a successful date with a girl."

The boy almost laughed. A successful date? How hard could that be?

"I say I can."

Ino's blue eyes twinkled mischievously. It spooked him a little bit. It looked like she knew something that he didn't.

"The New Year's Festival is in one week. Get a girl to be your date, and by the end of the celebration, we'll see who wins." The girl proposed, "If I win, you'll have to wear my used pantyhose over your head and put on one of my bras. Then, you'll walk around town like that, telling everyone you meet that your girlfriend dumped you for being a retarded maniac."

Shikamaru frowned. He didn't like this one bit.

"… But if _I_ win," He countered, "You'll have to wear a miniskirt with your pantyhose shoved up your ass. As for the bra, you'll have to wear it _backwards_. And if people ask, tell them that your boyfriend caught you cheating and bitch-slapped you into the wrong dimension this morning."

Ino cocked an eyebrow. She did NOT expect that. But, seeing how there was practically no way her opponent could win this bet…

"…Fine." She consented, turning her nose up in the air.

"Okay. Good." He muttered lazily, "Now would you please leave me alone?"

Fortunately for him, Ino decided _not_ to hear that.

"Oh, and Shika-kun?"

"What now?" He called out irately.

"A date's not complete without a _kiss_. You know that, right?" Ino mentioned slyly.

Shikamaru froze. Before he could protest, the girl was gone.

"Oh… fuck no."

Shikamaru stood motionless for some time, staring blankly into the distance. He felt his knees weaken, prompting him to sit down on the ground.

'A kiss…' Just thinking of it made the boy shudder. During the sixteen years of his life, Shikamaru had never kissed _anyone_… well, except his mother, of course. But moms don't count, and those kisses were those simple kisses _on the cheek_. Respect the 'on the cheek' part.

Somehow, he always had some insecurity issues to deal with. As a result, he always imagined that any attempts to kiss a girl would be soundly repaid by a slap across his kisser.

But now, if he didn't want to walk around town wearing his ex-girlfriend's lingerie, he would have to do the unthinkable: kiss a girl on their first date.

_A date's not complete without a kiss… A date's not complete without a…_

The words bounced around inside his head like an annoying beach ball.

And speaking of annoying bitches…

What exactly happened between _them_? It had been one year, five months and twenty-two days since they had "officially" broken up. Not that he had been counting or anything.

He had always been the 'regular' guy: That one guy somewhere in the crowd with the beady eyes, plain, tied-up black hair and the _I-wish-I-were-anywhere-but-here_ look on his face. Okay, so he's not butt-ugly.

Still, neither was he Brad Pitt.

Naturally, he found it easier to conclude that women were troublesome, to spare himself the embarrassment of being rejected by one. He had hidden behind this front for years, and it worked pretty well too. It was better than any other consequence.

But, all of that changed when Yamanaka Ino became his first girlfriend (and as of now: the only one he has ever had).

Unlike him, who hardly changed at all, she had bloomed into quite a hottie. She'd earn stolen glances, naughty stares and wolf whistles from the men in town on a regular basis. Soon, and almost suddenly, males of all ages start _hitting_ on her – from kids (Konohamaru), to teenage guys (Kiba, Lee), to senseis (Asuma, Ebisu, Iruka), to old men (Kakashi), to really old men (the Ichiraku ramen stand guy), to really, _really_ old, perverted men (Jiraiya).

And who could blame them? She had been blessed with long, luscious golden hair, paired with beautiful, seductive, ocean blue eyes, and a body to DIE for. Indeed, Shikamaru had to put up with the heated glares that envious males trained behind him whenever they were together.

One question that he never ceased to ask himself was: Why him? Why did she pick him? There were many handsome, talented bishounen in town with dozens of screaming fan-girls who overshadowed him by a mile. If she wanted to, she could have decimated her competition without so much as batting an eyelash at any guy she wanted; why pick the plain best friend?

It has always been a mystery to him, and Shikamaru decided that it would be too troublesome to find out. He continued acting like his usual self – cold, aloof and downright lethargic. There wasn't much anyone could say about the two of them. They seemed like the oddest couple to ever end up together, like they were the last people on earth to even think of getting with the other. Filled with fights and petty arguments, their relationship was a dysfunctional one, as anyone who knows them can attest to.

But even though he wouldn't admit this to anyone, not even to himself, Shikamaru genuinely felt _contented_ with his life when she was around. He couldn't understand why. Of all the girls in Konoha, she had to be _the_ most troublesome of all, but somehow she made him feel special. He liked that. She made him feel that he wasn't just another smart-ass doomed to bachelorhood for the rest of his life.

She made him feel… _loved_.

At least, that was before Sasuke came.

The raven-haired boy suddenly took a liking to blondes, and, seeing how dating Naruto or Tsunade was out of the question, set his sights on the only other blonde person in town.

As expected, Ino dropped poor Shika faster than a hot potato.

That was the only difference he and Ino had. The blonde won't stop till she's got the _best _around her finger. He'd settle for just her. Well, maybe it was because for him, she might've been more than the best.

Shaking his mind off the topic, Shikamaru sighed and muttered passively to himself, "Well, if I'm going to get a date before the New Year's Festival, I'd better do something about it now. How troublesome."

He could name a thousand better things to do than spend time with a girl, and he didn't know what was motivating him this time…

Maybe it was because he couldn't take losing to his ex... again.

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**DarkAngel**: Whoo... _I'd_ like to see Ino wearing a bra backwards. That'd be HOT. XD -nudges Ruki- What do you think?

**Ruki**: -escapes with Kankuro strapped to her back- Go ask Jiraiya, you PERV!

**DarkAngel**: HEY WAIT!

Reviews please! :D


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